my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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