Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
