dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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