I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
