I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
