Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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