Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
