My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
