Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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