Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
