East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
