i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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