Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
