you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
