We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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