My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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