if i died would you start the facebook group?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
