we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
