she was so not down for the gang bang
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
