porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
