apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
