the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
