The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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