How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
