Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
