If i come over, it means nothing
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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