It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
