Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
