I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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