guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
