Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
