Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
