so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize