just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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