I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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