It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
