Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
