In the future we'll all be gay
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
