It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
