u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
