you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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