I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
