Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
