I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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