He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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