I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
