Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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