I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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