What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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