she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
