Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
