I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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