So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
