My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
