I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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