So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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