I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
