Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How's work?
Spinning.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
