how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
