Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize