have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
