I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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