I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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