Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
