I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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