id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
