I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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