my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
