I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
