I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
